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Feb. 23rd, 2025 06:40 pmSome lessons it took me too long to learn:
If you're giving that much more than you're getting you need to learn to value yourself and your time and energy more. There are other places you can put that energy.
Inner monologs MATTER.. yours and theirs. You'll start hearing each others in your head eventually and if you don't like who that makes you.. run, no matter how much else looks like it works to everyone else. Everyone has a public face and an inner voice.. ideally those line up very closely. For a lot of people they're almost opposites. (dont hate them.. a lot of time they're trying to be that public face..but have a lot of trauma responses screaming inside.. and remember you dont HAVE to be their angel and save them. Usually you cant and can only fall yourself in the process)
If everyone is being honest then it's no ones fault for not choosing you. It doesn't make them or you bad to leave something that's not a good fit. Desire is not enough, *love* is not enough.. there is a whole range of 'fits/doesn't fit' and 'can compromise/can't compromise' and time and place and growth and communication things that add up to 'this gives us each more than we put into it' or 'either/both of us are being drained by this'.
hardest part: After/between relationships or potential relationships Don't starve yourself so much that any potential morsel looks like a banquet to dive after and hold onto. Something can be good for what it is without being a forever pairing and full partnership.
All lessons it took me Waaaay too many years to learn..
Unfortunately I think these all fall into 'things you nod at as obvious in retrospect but which are impossible to really fully grasp till you been through them way too many times already.'
and thats the hardest part of being 60 is looking back at all the things you know now that would have been impossible for even the best and wisest teacher to teach you... and you only really learn by being there (and some people never do anyway)
If you're giving that much more than you're getting you need to learn to value yourself and your time and energy more. There are other places you can put that energy.
Inner monologs MATTER.. yours and theirs. You'll start hearing each others in your head eventually and if you don't like who that makes you.. run, no matter how much else looks like it works to everyone else. Everyone has a public face and an inner voice.. ideally those line up very closely. For a lot of people they're almost opposites. (dont hate them.. a lot of time they're trying to be that public face..but have a lot of trauma responses screaming inside.. and remember you dont HAVE to be their angel and save them. Usually you cant and can only fall yourself in the process)
If everyone is being honest then it's no ones fault for not choosing you. It doesn't make them or you bad to leave something that's not a good fit. Desire is not enough, *love* is not enough.. there is a whole range of 'fits/doesn't fit' and 'can compromise/can't compromise' and time and place and growth and communication things that add up to 'this gives us each more than we put into it' or 'either/both of us are being drained by this'.
hardest part: After/between relationships or potential relationships Don't starve yourself so much that any potential morsel looks like a banquet to dive after and hold onto. Something can be good for what it is without being a forever pairing and full partnership.
All lessons it took me Waaaay too many years to learn..
Unfortunately I think these all fall into 'things you nod at as obvious in retrospect but which are impossible to really fully grasp till you been through them way too many times already.'
and thats the hardest part of being 60 is looking back at all the things you know now that would have been impossible for even the best and wisest teacher to teach you... and you only really learn by being there (and some people never do anyway)
